My Cats Hate Christmas....

...if not, why would they piss on my tree?

Alex came over last night to help decorate the house for Christmas. Before long the banister was festooned with gold garland and jingle bells, the Happy Holiday mat laid out to greet visitors with good tidings and the Nutcracker soldiers set in their silent vigil over my holiday room.

Next we removed the tree from the box. It smelled a little musty so we hurriedly set it up to air out. Bad idea. The sulfuric stench of cat urine billowed from the plastic boughs of Wal-Mart's finest pre-light artificial tree. Seriously. Billowed. As in poured forth like a gust of toxic wind. I saw the cats flee, Alex fall over as if stuck with a taser and the Nutcrackers put their gas masks on.

Fortunately, I was upwind of the odiferous blast and managed to pull the "Pissmas" tree out to the front porch. After a phone call to Chris and a trip to the store, I was spraying my tree down with a vinegar, water and Febreeze concoction. That seemed to help a little bit but honestly it could just be that the cold night air masked the smell.

So, now my tree is out on the porch. My original intent was to leave it to air out for a couple of days, now I kind of like it there. It does look a bit redneck trailer-parkish but it also seems to sum up my year - still standing, just a bit pissed on. (Did that sound bitter? ).

The cats seem to like the tree on the porch as well. They sit on the heater and paw at it through the window. Every so often one of the cats will meow/growl at the stinky fake Fir as if to remind the tree what will happen if it ever enters the house again.