The Tale of Goodman Goredon and Dame Brandywine

A long time ago, in the magical land of Oh-S0-So, there lived a happy couple, Goodman Goredon and Dame Brandywine.

They lived a simple life. Goredon would work in the fields in the day and Brandywine would comb her hair. At night Goredon would cook a fine dinner as a way to express his undying love. Thoughtful, thoughtful Brandywine would gently remind Goredon that cleaning the fireplace or getting a bucket of water would also be a good way to express his affection.

And so it went, day after day. Brandywine was cared for and happy and Goredon's house was peaceful.

One day Goredon's stalwart companions stopped by for some sup, a bit of drink and a tilt or two at Cups and Staves. A grand time was had by all. As his fellows drifted off to their own homes, they made a pact with Goredon to return in a fortnight to begin the tale-telling and ale-drinking anew.

Dame Brandywine was not pleased. She forbade the return of Goredon's scurvy friends and chastised him for neglecting to milk the goat before dinner.

Now then, Goredon was a gentle soul but this last edict really twisted his knickers. He raged at Brandywine that he was forty years old and this was his damn cottage and he would have his SCURVY friends -who, incidentally, were much less scurvy than her uncle, Royal- over when he damn well pleased.

Brandywine stared at Goredon in brow-furrowed silence. He tried to avert his eyes, but it was too late; she nailed him with her FRIGID gaze.

And there, to this day, does Goodman Goredon stand. Legend states that his frozen imprisonment will end as soon as he apologizes to Dame Brandywine, but being that he is forty years old and "this is his damn hous...er cottage", this is unlikely to occur.

The Moral of the Story?

Don't forget to milk the goat and Make sure your wife is ok with a bunch of guys showing up to eat your food, drink beer and play poker.